WOEBOT

Avant-Folk Drubbing.

Jon at Astronaut's Notepad sent me a handful of 4 CDs (all the way from OZ!) in the Mesozoic era when Dinosaurs roamed the earth. I’ve dragged my heels and dragged my heels and grown a beard and cut it off. Australia drifted away from the land mass Pangea. The Mrs has been away (with her Mum) on an extended Easter break so I’ve had the time to BLOG IT UP BABY!!!!!! I’ve been out on the piss with me real mates too (a lot…groan holds head…TOO much) in case you worry I sit here chained to this machine…..I work fast kids, be like me, work fast too. And I wanted to dignify Jon with a proper reply to his stuff (publicly natch). Jon’s a very smart dude (buy Careless Talk Costs Lives, cut out his stuff and then toss the mag in the bin), he’s also tough as old boots, and he actually asked me to be honest here. So I have been.

The music in question is what Jon (or was it me?) called Avant-Folk. It’s a revival of sorts, and a refusal of sorts. Whatever you think about it. Its an interesting phenomenon. Here goes (rubs hands)

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Thuja: Silly Pompous Bells and drones, neither mystic nor menacing, wheres the off switch for that amp, bedtime chaps!

Blithe Sons; The Hurdy Gurdy Men in da infinite celtic revival (yay)

Hala Strana: Sound like a bunch of Morris Dancers on Mogadon

Thee Floating Birthday Children: er……… ditto

The Muons: Elegant Byrdsy floating, let down by the stoner on vocals

The Franciscan Hobbies: You’re kidding right?

Markus: Popol Vuh without Herzogs fat monthly paycheck. Still playing stone circles.

Kemalliset Ystavat: Nippons at least going head-first into the fray. Hilarious cosmically intoned deep vocals over caterwauling fray, (DRAGS NEEDLE ACROSS RECORD.) then (That bit at the end of It Aint Alf Hot Mum them where the Sergeant Major goes SSSHHHAAAAAAAAT UP to the guy on the sitar)

Avarus: Well this is surely a scene……all these groups sound the same. This stuff was recorded in the crypt of the local church with the other bands microphone (in the corner). Distant-sounding badly-played guitar (quite amazing, ineptitude you don’t get to hear all that often) and distant-sounding badly played borrowed church organ (quite amazing, ineptitude you don’t get to hear all that often).

Maher Shalal Hash Baz: What! A studio! Straight away listenable. Hey they’ve got girls this lot. Maidens in long dresses with plaided hair. Hello! Bubbling water fx Damo Suzuki style vocals. Silly words (I never give a toss anyway). Yeah this is OK. (Listens to next track)……..er that’s the same. (Next track, I'm sooooo generous to this gang) There's some Elizabethan square-dance style thing going on here, with Cacophonix the bard from from Asterix on flugelhorn. (next track) MOR Ballad……er right that’s enough.

Alasdair Roberts: I’ve actually met this guy. He was singing these 13th century ballads on London Bridge Will Oldham style. I gave him 20p, then on second thoughts I went back, took all his earnings, and kicked him in the balls. Not that I condone violence of any sort.

Fursaxa: More Amon Duul (that’s Amon Duul 1 not Amon Duul 2) styled waxings.

The Idatrod: Acoustic finger-picking (I used to like this stuff aged 16…..what was I thinking?) with that screech/creak as the guy reaches for the next chord. Pale Peter Paul and Mary Style wafting group vocals. TERRIBLE violin playing, the guys trying to snake around to keep this out of focus. If you cant play mate, fuckit, we don’t care…let it all hang out.

Hall of Fame: Jim Hall style picking. Nicely recorded female voice. “Oh the boredom slipping slowly” er right. Quite Isaacs/Badalmenti actually. Pretty……but I couldn’t sustain interest too far. That’s interesting their next track is a radically different drone mash-up. Oh no that’s just the Intro. This lot are OK too.

Six Organs of Admittance: 12-string plangency.

Jackie O MotherFucker: In the context quite impressive. Sounds like a rusty rattling 16th century space-craft (full MEV reference intended). I like the gratuitous sonic fx. Very free-form but in a (sub)harmonic way. Must be good live (wink).

Lady E Quartet; More free-form brownrice rambling. Its SOOOO tempting to say this stuff was done better by the old hairshirt crew, but it probably prompted precisely the same reaction at the time, (DEEP PROFUNDO BASSO) “Get a job!”

Daniel Carter & Jomf: Ditto, but with an actually very cool desperate psycho vocalist. I like him a lot.

Joshua: More ponderous Fahey style fingerpicking (Fahey’s playing was actually quite sparkling and pretty). Whispered Vocals. You get the drift (pun not intended but welcome)

Vibracathedral Orchestra: The name sez it all. Droney Conrad-style viola, fluttering flute? Clearly up to its chin in influence from the La Monte Young 1965 outfit.

Sunroof: Like Jackie O but pitched higher. Same dilapidated low-fi sonic fetish. Bells etc

Richard Youngs: I’ve actually met this guy. He was singing these 12th century ballads on Waterloo Bridge Alastair Roberts style. I gave him 10p, then on second thoughts I went back, took all his earnings his guitar and floppy hat, kicked him in the balls and then pushed him over the edge onto a passing silage barge. Not that I condone violence of any sort, but occasionally it can be a crude but effective means to an end.

Tower Recordings: Folk Scene LP. Now I can see why Jon rates this and gave me the whole LP. And I'm assuming this is NOT a compilation but the work of one outfit, though the name sows confusion here. This really is extremely good. Indeed I would suggest anyone reading this get a copy of this record. It’s that brilliant. Seriously. Amazing how a range of tactics, instruments and approaches can in some peoples hands suddenly come alive, gell, make true sense. Its both genuinely cosmic and very affecting. Like a wistful hippy Position Normal. I particularly like the singing they do as in “I guess I’ll get the Vapours”. These people are true individuals, not in the least derivative. BRILL. LAVVIT!

IG Six: Parlour Tricks and Porch favourites LP. This is good too. A bit silly. Nah its bollocks.
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Which in conclusion brings me to Simon’s (oh mentor!) recent championing of The Animal Collective. I have Avey Tare and Panda Bear’s 2001 “Spirit theyre gone spirit they’ve vanished” which is exquisite. Tinkerbell synthesisers aftertrailing flight-of-foot chromatic drums and fly-in-a-bottle vocals tinged with hard-disk editing. I’m gonna name that influence in one (puts down pint, adopts Jockey Wilson poise, squints right eye, a firm but fair hand-action) Van Dyke Parks “Song Cycle” (Bullseye!) But you know what, the line between that and something like this Tower Recordings LP (BUY!) especially on this Campfire Recordings (ahem acoustic on the back porch) LP is, well, slight. Looks like you’re gonna have to eat that 10” cardboard hand-drawn Japanese import there big man! TWANBOC striking a blow for Beatniks around the world against the Uber-Yob himself (probably having totally alienated them earlier in the process....oh well) The Animal Collective are doing an in-store at the Rough Trade shop on 9th May and according to Dave of the Animal Collective: “In case you are interested we are also playing in Brighton at a festival on the 10th” I’ll be out the front of the shop at dawn in my camper van and open-toes.

One from the Archives!

Just in case you were under the impression that I emerged fully-formed from the mud 4 months ago and proceeded to thump my tub in time with this host of celebrity journalists, here's a little thing I did a very long time ago when I was only a little chap. Something I've always been tremendously proud of and which I believe was hugely influential. Just a chart, but........

It's from The Wire Issue 102, dated August 1992. I did it in response to a chart David Toop did, which he called his Post-Colonial, Fourth World Hybrid, Techno-Pagan Global Futurist Top 20, which BLEW MY MIND. The Free-Dub chart was submitted when I was living in Glasgow, and calling myself "The Rhythm Shower" (I've always been borderline insane). The Wire presumably thought I was a collective of some sort, so they credited it "readers" The Rhythm Shower. That was quite sweet. It got a joint double-page spread with a chart by a guy called Saverio Pechini from Italy (quite good too....) The strapline to the page said "Your Charts are welcome - In fact they inspire us", which I also liked.

I was working at the Music and Video Exchange at the time (pricing stuff natch) and like the ever-keen ever-green cocky prat I was took the magazine round and showed it to Brian. Brian is a notorious multi-millionare miser, he owns all those shops. He looked at the piece and looked me up and down. I think he was really surprised that I thought this was worthy of his attention. Not angry or annoyed. Just really caught off guard.

I've been quite open that I moulded the chart on Toop's work. But I know he used mine for his huge 3-page epic Dub History he did for Mixmag, which he later re-chewed for The Wire. This contained much else besides, and was probably the first time I came across both Arthur Russell, Walter Gibbons and Paul "Groucho" Smykle. Why do I know? Because a year later I rang him up (cocky little prat) and he was aware of the chart, and graciously opened his phonebook to help me on a project. Actually I must have been a right nuisance for the people who he put me in touch with. I met David again a couple of years ago, never really introduced myself properly (tongue-tied isolationist mid-seven year psychotic cycle), though I remember him saying he got badly ripped off himself with the whole Dub History idea (not going into any detail here...). Is any of that libellous? I don't think so. I hope not. It was the truth as I see it anyway.

Those charts they have in The Wire these days are very carefully alloted to Institutions, Radio Shows, Famous People etc. You can't just be a snotty nutter and post them something which they'll print. Which is a shame.

Gangsta Techno.

Without further ado I give you...........the TWANBOC Gangsta Techno Megamix. I've been fulminating over this for weeks now and have only now (literally) cleared a space on my desk and dusted down the 1200s. So if you don't do mp3s maybe now is the time to start. I reccommend Winamp if you're from the Darkside, iTunes if you're on the Mac (bless!)

0.00. Little Lenny: Bum Flick (Shocking Vibes)
Just to get you in the right frame of mind

0.34. 4 Most Poets: Reasons 2 B Dismal (Nu Groove)
If you ask me the next Retro hot-spot will be early Strictly Rhythm and Nu Groove. Also labels like 4th Floor, Atmosphere and Bonesbreaks. Early stuff by Lenny Dee, Joey Beltram, Critical Rhythm, Bobby Konders, the Burrells. This stuff is TOO HIP!

2.58. Eddie "Flashin" Fowlkes: Goodbye Kiss (Metroplex)
The grimiest nasty bit of junk to come out of Detroit. BOOO YAAA! From 1986. Thats fucking ages ago.

5.04. A Guy Called Gerald: All Night Baby (Juice Box)
Juice Box (sighs).......Midst his revival as a gun-toting Junglist (we're talking 28-Gun Bad Boy Era Gerald here) the big man looks up at Manchester's grey sky. The clouds part and God winks at him. Gerald rushes home and lays down this utterly presicient writhing bitch of a jacktrack. This is no Ricky Rouge stuff (his smooth Chicago alter-ego on Juice Box) this is a bit of "pure-blooded-Rottweiler-knawed" BLAADCLAAT Gangsta Techno.

7.50. New Horizons: Slamdown (500 Rekords)
From the epochal Scrap Iron Dubs No.1 EP the mutha.....brings to mind cruising in a SUV through a deserted dockland industrial estate.....er......in Jamaica.

11.47. Armand Van Helden: Witchdoktor (Strictly Rhythm)
From Armand, that rarity, the American B-Boy who likes house. Even more transgressive than an American Indie fan liking Hip-Hop ;-)

14.25. Mood II Swing: I see you Dancing (Groove On)
To briefly cool your fuddled heads. This is Gangsta Techno as in SHWAGGERING and SHEXY like a Rose Royce tune. (Hi Luka!)

17.00. Steve Poindexter: State of Shock (Chicago Underground)
Impossible to know which one of Poindexter's tunes to put on. Check his trademark whistles. NASTY. From 1991....and compare it to this.....

20.17. Youngster and 116: Baby Pulse (Promo)
......which sounds so incredibly Chicago. Right down to the backspins, brittle clackety clack 808s, and "Baby" vocal hook. Slightly kicked myself that I didn't squeeze Wizzbit's Jam Hot in, which is even more Chi-town-esque. But hey that's how it goes when you're on da flow.

21.56. Armando: 1991 (Muzique)
And just to ram the point home (crikey this is becoming yet more didactic than a Derrick May mix) here's Armando from my fave Chicago label Muzique, who only ever put out blinding records.

23.12. 2nd II None: Bulldozer (Road)
Brilliant haunting Techno inna UK Garage style. Sounds like Mayday's Phantom or some such except it's got that RUDE edge, slightly blistering basline, not speccy. Hard to imagine an MC on this one though.

25.45. Wiley: Igloo (Promo)
From the don himself, proving this Gangsta Techno conjecture of mine (WHICH I SEEM TO NEED TO HAVE TO REMIND SOME PEOPLE WAS MY FECKING IDEA, AND IF IT NEEDS TO BE WIDELY DISTRIBUTED SHOULD BE DONE WITH MY FECKIN NAME ATTACHED) is not so peripheral. Wiley is getting his chops from Ragga. That rhythmic inflection is pure Batty Rider. Gangsta seen!

27.18. Coda: Bassline FM 1st March 2003 (Home Recording)
Just to clear the smoke from the room, and to remind everyone that the UK Garage here is really intended as nothing more than a backdrop to a bit of lyrical MC-ing. This is a great likkle bit, not from one of the big shows (hey don't be fooled by Luka's Radio Times-style listings, take the plunge, turn that dial) it's often the small crews where things are happening. Suprisingly mellow.

So there it is. Can I dress up like DJ Rupture and make like I'm famous, or should I stick to typing? Tell me. On second thoughts, diss me and I'll clean my gun pon your nose.

J Low.

Had a small scuffle with Stuart of Glasgow's Vinyl Freaks this weekend. He suggested I check his under-the-counter Hip-Hop pile, bought in by someone needing a few stiff drinks to go with the Easter sunshine (surely a smarter man than me!). Nothing there, all Sub-Platinum dross. Stuart suggested half-jokingly I check the new Jennifer Lopez record....WHAAAT...I quickly regained my cool and told him I already had a copy.*

My lovely wife has had to put up with me swearing and cursing at Lopez everytime she comes on the TV. I really REALLY can't stand her. She's the most unbearably mediocre actress (practically unwatchable) added to which she is a pathetically uncommitted popstar. Two halves here make an eighth. None of her records possess a tune, and at the level at which stars like her and Madonna (for instance) operate you just BUY tunes. You don't have to write them. You have the cream of a generations failed indie pop stars foisting their often exquisitely pretty efforts on you. People like Guy Chambers Robbie Williams's ex-World Party sidekick (woops Robbie fired him...no new good tunes anymore) or Pink's Linda Perry from 4 Non Blondes. How difficult is it to pick a catchy song? You'd have to be completely stupid if you have that kind of money to invest in the operation, and there is no shortage of money behind Lopez, I'm suprised she's profitable with what must be the most gigantic PR bill ever. You can only imagine my glee when I heard MC Pitman refer to her as having a "face like a plate", suggesting he "eat his chips and beans off it".

After laying all this on Stuart, who I had to prod awake at the end, he opined that a mate of his had an uncontainable venomous spite towards Lopez. He throws things at the TV. Delivered in Stuart's Glaswegian brogue it sounded yet more intense and scary than my own "hate-offering".

A short lull as I wade through a pile of Library Records.

"But you know Stuart, I quite like that new single of hers with LL Cool J." And its true, I do. Looks like she finally took my advice and got herself a tune. I actually emailed Guy Chambers off his website mid-writing this.....I wonder if I can persuade him to write her a nouveau-McCartney Gangsta's Moll Hip-Hop Ballad. "All I Have" captures in it's repetitive infolding melody the endlessly looping bittersweet fear one has when one needs to leave someone. LL does a sensible job. As sensible as his wearing a mobile phone earpiece in the video, WAY TO GO BAD BWOY! LL's been a marked man since I Need Love, and is truly Hip-Hop's greatest survivor. He's Hip Hop's Rod Stewart as I explained to the tartan Stuart. Don't worry Stu! Rod will return home one day.

*That was a joke all you Merzbow fans.

Links 4U.

After an exhaustive trawl of the blogs presenting the following for your delectation:
Silence is a Rhythm too
Uncarved Blogginess
Virulent Memes
PasteMob
Erg's Jazz and other blog
Eyes That Can See in the Dark
Hipster Detritus
Nonstop Pop

and possibly most exitingly Ian Penman's:
THE PILL BOX

Come back later this week as I've got a real KILLA for yous.

Me, Me and The Light of Saba.

Has it escaped your attention the supreme irony of one of the world's greatest living writer-philosophers dedicating his energy to writing music journalism (vapid nonsense) about reggae compilations (junkily repackaged sub-mainstream nonsense). I swear to you, I is TOOOOO GUTTTTAHH!

You might recall somewhere in my pathetic, paranoid and self-engineered fight with Paul Meme that I gave some credence to the compiling and reissue work which Honest Jon's have been up to recently, which has almost eclipsed the artistry of Berlin Rhythm & Sound reissues of Wackies. The man behind the operation is Mark Ainley, but they've also roped in designers like Will Bankhead (Massive Attack) and got Von Oswald (Basic Channel) to do their re-mastering. Their Unity sounds compilation was stylish, an unlikey "london-centric" rake over the embers of that label's Sleng-Teng-era digitalisms, the true foundry of Jungle and point-zero for later SUAD/Ragga Twins stalwarts Peter Bouncer and Deman Rockers. Though maybe the tracks themselves didn't quite hold up. I missed the very interesting looking Lord Kitchener record (Van Dyke Parks held him in the same high esteem as Beethoven). Their Heart of The Congos Congoman 12" seemed a little pointless, the Carl Craig remix was so cautious and literal it added precisely nothing. But anyway, all good really so far (ha ha).

However I've got problems with their latest darling. They've built up quite a lot of froth up over their Light of Saba reissue. We've had 2 teaser EPs of material, the first of which featured their (uncharacteristic) masterpiece, Saba in Dub, which sounds like nothing more than a bit of peak-period anadigital Mouse on Mars so perfectly honed are it's sumptuos waveforms.I've had Steve C's rip of his Light of Saba Sabebe LP for some time now. Steve (the fiend) gets all toothy when he mentions it and starts drooling at the very thought of his owning this HOLY GRAIL of reggae. I however don't get it, I don't get it at all. To me The Light of Saba encapsulate nothing which I like about Reggae. I should explain:

The Light of Saba's sound is practically THE MISSING LINK between Community Jazz and reggae. What's Community Jazz Matt? Community Jazz is everything from Sun Ra downwards me old mucker. Community Jazz is Phil Cohran, Strata East, Leo Smith (who actually converted to Rastafarianism), Brother Ankh, Eddie Gale, Marion Brown, Julian Priester, some of the less bloody of BYG/Actuel's Parisian Collective mash-ups, etc. It's not really free jazz, tends to have a discreet groove lurking in the background. Indeed Kool and the Gang, some members of which washed up palying with Ra, occasionally got quite Community Jazz-ish. Musically it's the interface between Jazz-Funk and Free-Jazz.

Back in the day of Giles Peterson playing the Wag Club, when The Wire carried some (very un-)cool dance bop as it's concession to commericalism and Straight No Chaser had just started pimping Donald Byrd to student hipsters I believe some Community Jazz would have been on the playlist. For those chaps in fez's to frug to. Things like Pharaoh Sander's Prince of Peace would actually be danced to, and danced to IMAGINATIVELY. Almost makes you want to vomit, eh! Just as Acid House was melting us down into machine parts. Well actually its quite sweet innit. Athletic young men jumping four feet in the air, right hand clutching bowler hat to head etc.

And I bet you that THIS is the real reason why this Light of Saba LP is being reissued. Dudes have been stroking their chins for nearly a decade going MMMMM I wish Rob from Galliano would lend me his Light of Saba LP, I hear it's the missing link beween Community Jazz and Roots Reggae. And surprise surprise who release it in the end (in an elegantly packed double pack with RUBBISH cover art) but those beatniks in disguise at Honest Jons.

It wouldn't take long for me to put together a paranoid soul-boys-taking-over-the-rave-empire diatribe starring Kirk DeGiorgio with Honest Jon's as the Dark Star. So here goes: What else have they given us but James Lavelle, former counter employee! It's clear to me now that all these comps (especially the Unity one) are subtle tactical mission statements aimed at turning liberated ravers into beard-stroking beatniks. It's like they're saying to us (well me at least), "Aah but don't you see how your aims are at source those of the Beatnik! Peter 'Raving I'm Raving' Bouncer is in fact a rootsy soul man not an AvantYob at all."

What's good about Reggae? It's an endlessly recyled restless modernism. It's a synthesis of voodoo and cheap technology. It's got CHOONS. Not it's posture, not it's internationalism (works best always as infinite localism), not the impact of other musics on it, not it's perfectionism, not it's classicism. All of which are in abundance here. Though seriously I urge you to buy the record so that you may better understand what I'm dribbling on about here.

Time Lines.

Excuse me for getting all cosmic on you, but it's Easter and I'm granting myself a bit of well-earned perspective.

Been mulling over ideas like "What is Retro?", "Where is the future?", and "When was the past?", and I've found myself face-to-face with ideas I once held when I was maybe more ENLIGHTENED than I am now.

I theorised then that the true timeline, as opposed to the mysterious illusory one which makes up the progression of our day-to-day lives is the line which stretches between UNKNOWING and ENLIGHTENMENT. Unknowing here is the true past, and enlightenment is the true future. I can't have been the first person to have thought this.

This schema works well with regards to the genealogy of music. Ground-breaking influential music (and I wouldn't say anyone has a handle on this, though some prophets fare better than others with their prognostoces) is always truly ENLIGHTENED. As such, old or "Retro" music can be more current or "Futuristic" than brand-spanking new music.

Which might be another way of saying I really ought to get out more often.

Mr Conny Plank.

More CONRAD Plank stuff courtesy of Job. Marlene Dietrich and The Scorpions! Well I never!

Mrs Conny Plank.

I thought you dudes were kipping, and then suddenly everyone wants to "sprechen-sie deutsche" with me. You're awfully fickle.

Job says Connie Plank (who he thinks is a woman, I beg to differ old chap-but could someone clear this up?) also did the first Eurythmics album. Of course he did Job old chap. He did loads of production work, was it Ultravox who used him (?) as well as my rather recherche example of Whodini, creators of lightning sword of death "Magic's Wand". So boo to you too Job!

I've heard rumour of a solo Conny Plank LP, which is a slightly avant-ish cymbal/echo fest. Sounds pretty bloody exciting and am right now kicking myself for not taking an option on it when I once had the chance.

Requests for a Les Vampyrettes mp3 have been duly noted. Maybe my ripping it would spur some of the less digitally-inclined of you to get biblical with QuickTime. However, I'm not sure an mp3 would do justice to it's prodigious lower end. Please no one ask me for a CD of this stuff, I'd hate to disappoint.

Kraut Links.

Interview with Klaus Dinger
DAF corrections
Simon sticks up for La Dusseldorf
From our friends at Perfect Sound Forever
That ropey La D LP
Michael Rother Interview
Cope's Top 50

Can I park my Helicopter in your Fridge?

German music seems slightly off the agenda. The avant-garde inclined press who once touted it with ferocity are now vaguely abashed at its CONTENT. They presumably were excited by the fragile links to Darmstadt and concrete and didn't hear what the rest of us did. ATMOSPHERE. Furthermore the corpse of Krautrock has been flogged and flogged and flogged. The canon has been masterfully established by the likes of Julian Cope (albeit a very ROCK vision of this UN-ROCK/NON-ROCK/ANTI-ROCK) and you can get all of the stone tablets of Krautrock so depressingly easily. Don't think this is a snob talking. The sheer effort it took me to hunt down those holy grails before they were reissued en masse on CD and LP was Sisyphus-ian. It actually imparted to the music the mystery and power that was it's by right. I think people who can so casually pick this stuff up to keep one of their edges sharp need alot more imagination than I did to grasp this shit. I have experienced fewer depressing things in my life than seeing Neu! records on sale (reduced) in the window of hip boutiques.

With a view to re-mysterialise this music I've put together a list of 10 awesome Kraut records from my kick-arse archives didn't get trampled on in the goldrush, records alot of people may not know exist, records which I was often stumbling around in the dark when I picked up, records which didn't make Cope's (excellent) Krautrocksampler.

1. Phew: Phew

Phew was a Japenese chick who was flown to Germany in 1981 and put together with Can's Holger Czukay and Jaki Liebezeit and genius producer Conny Plank. Clearly an attempt to reconstruct the original Can dynamic, with Phew as Damo. They made one record together on the PASS label which was, very early on (1991?) reissued to synch up with the release of a newer Phew record on Mute. That more recent LP was only OK. I have also seen a greyish black covered mid-period Phew record. Her eponymous debut, which I paid £4 for because the cover was mashed up (like I care!), is fucking fantastic. The production sound of this record is perfect. Like a Brancusi or a Ming Vase, it's perfect. Clean. Deep. Resonant. Tracks like Doze and Signal are often built on nothing more than a wobbling bass and cavernous chiming percussion. Phew herself is compelling.

2.Les Vampyrettes: Les Vampyrettes

Conny and Holger had a two oldtimers thing which must have run concurrently with the Dieter Moebius/Plank team. Called Les Vampyrettes. I wonder if there is more material by this group than this 12" which is certainly one of the most crucial records I own. This is a KILLER. If I played you this record you would turn to me and say "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Biomutanten which fills only 2 centimeters of a whole12" side (now THAT'S style!) has strapped to it the largest bassline of any record I own. This bassline would crush Dillinja on his Vespa, this bassline would flatten Glen Brown's studio (except Glen never had his own), this bassline would give the Butthole Surfers an on-the-spot enema. Possibly the greatest record ever.

3.Michael Rother: Fernwarme

Why, when you are the greatest band the world has ever known, do your solo projects end up so spotty? I wished I could find some spark of the mighty Neu! on some of Dinger and Rother's solo projects. I have all the La Dusseldorf records, Dinger's band with his brother, even the terrible Los Individuellos (50p!), and his stuff never gells. Possibly slightly on the first La D. LP. This Rother LP is, in my opinion the best you're gonna get. He's pared up with Jaki Liebezeit, on "shlagzeug", to use Captain's Beefheart's phrase "I love those words". This record has a couple of quite sparkling tracks with dreamily hooky melodies, production still pleasently raw. Later Rother stuff vered into a bizarre New Age meets New Romantic hinterland.

4.Popol Vuh: Seligpreisung

Ha Ha! The greatest Popol Vuh record! Not re-issued, only saw it once and paid dearly for the pleasure of it's company. It's on the Kaiser's wunderbar Kosmische Kouriers label and always makes me think of Tom Verlaine's Television, such is the telepathic communion within the group. That's not something to be sneered at. Tanz on this LP is quite exquisite.

5.Manuel Gottsching: E2-E4

OK not an obscure record. Indeed the market was briefly flooded with reissues about 5 years ago. Naturally being either a very sad man, or incredibly hip, depending on what day you ask me about myself, I had this along time before. My copy has magic powers. It's really in here because Manuel Gottshing's later waveform pre-frippertronic guitar stuff gets pretty short shrift from old Cope-y. I have the GREAT Ash Ra Tempel IV Inventions and Dimensions LP with Manuel looking superbly goofy on the cover and I love it. And Cope don't. OK you know about the Sueno Latino>Derrick May Sueno Latino Remix>Carl Craig Sueno Remake. OK you know it got played in the Loft and about the whole dance-community's fawning realtionship with it. Its still a very lovely thing.

6.Roedelius: Jardin au Fou

Possibly the best record on the spotty Sky label (those Cluster and Eno things are OK though) this is a very gentle and lyrical record. Very un-elekronik like Cluster's stuff but quite charming. It has Roedelius making like Satie in a foggy orchard. Pastoral. Unpsychedelic. But Mysterious.

7.Deutshe Amerikanische Freundshaft: Die Klienen und Die Bosen

Not everything here could be strictly termed a Krautrock record. Krautrock is after all beards and VWs. But where do you draw the line? This LP may indeed be that line. None of the any other D.A.F stuff does much for me, including their kool Der Mussolini 12". But this record is a blinder, despite being pun(k)y it is also HAIRY. It's produced by Conny "The genius" Plank (who if you didn't know, dummy, produced for both Kraftwerk and Neu! as well as Bronx hip-hoppers Whodini fact fans) It's a forebodeingly intense record which flits from raw garage-punk with drum machines with tunes like Das Nacht Arbeit, the true blueprint for both Alec Empire, Big Black and The Jesus and Mary Chain (they loved this record) to stunning lopsided metronomik rock like Kinderfunk (one of my personal favorites). I like as well the fact that D.A.F were pupils of Joseph Bueys, surely one of the last century's coolest people.

8.Emtidi: Saat

I don't know much about this record. Its a Diter Dierks/Rolf-Ulrich Kaiser thing. It's on their Pilz label. It's a bit hippy dippy. Lyrics about "sitting on the grass on your arse". Included in herein in a deliberatley non-canonical fashion. Don't buy it. Buy some other queer German record you don't recognise. See if you can find anything by Gruppe (cos I can't) or anything decent by Floh de Cologne, or maybe Wallenstein made a good record? OPEN YOUR MINDS!

9.Konrad Schnitler: Gelb

Now this WAS a find! Gelb was put out by Konrad Schnitzler (ex-Tangerine Dream) in 1974 with Blau and Rot. Each were editions of 500. I've heard Blau, which people whisper about under motorway flyovers and on the "zug". Its not as good as this. All the arguments about Detroit being a satellite of Cologne make sense with the first un-named track off this record which I SWEAR sounds precisely like "The Beginning EP"-era Derrick May. In other words like his best stuff. I should have asked Derrick whether he had heard this when he used to ring me up (had to drop that one in). Maybe Juan has a copy.

10.Eroc: Eroc

And finally. I was really suprised to see that this has been reissued. It's been swilling around rather pathetically in a few bargain bins because nobody knows what the fuck it is, and they have all the Amon Duul, Can, Faust, Neu!, Harmonia, Guru Guru, Cosmic Couriers records they're ever gonna need to impress their mates. It was on Brain. Eroc was in some other band before, which I can't for the life of me remember was called. Norderland off this LP sports the most Wagnerian production of any track I know. It would be hilarious if it wasnt so staggering overpowering. Its sounds like a Avalanche in slow-motion destroying a tiny Alpine village.

So there it is, Pearls before Swine as usual. Some of these records it's not even worth dreaming about finding. Though you may get lucky on eBay or Gemm (which is quite astonishing if you haven't already checked it). If anyone of you so-called pros even dreams about ripping any of this shit off me I'll track you down and trample all-over you, and guys and gals if you see anything about these records ANYWHERE hereafter, just remember you heard it from the big daddy first! Auf Wiedersein!

Limonious.

This Limonious guy's stuff is ace. He's the Pedro Bell of dancehall.

Meeting Luka.

Hooked up with the big man yesterday, and frankly full marks to both of us. We got blethered and were a right couple of chatty bastards. I had an extremely interesting evening in the dude's charming company. I reckon it takes guts to ditch the virtual shite once in a while, yunnuh square off "nutter-to-nutter". Take note all dem ILM cowards!

Slow Garage.

Luke's bemoaning the new East Connection track going at hip-hop pace. And the new Heartless Crew track is also 2/3 speed. What did I tell you! Things are slowing down. It's probably bad news, kids getting "serious", talking in wack yankee accents. Anybody remember that DJ Crystl "Perpetual Motion" track, slow drum and bass (hardly heralded a revolution, unless Adam F is Napoleon) though maybe "scene-wide" things may be different? Be careful what you wish for!

Cockney Reggae.

My friend Steve Caruana was round last night. Steve is THE reggae fiend. He's off to Togo for 6 months building Databases for them, and wanted to check in on his reggae cds which I look after for him. Steve once owned upwards of 5000 JA 7"s, the real currency of Reggae as any fule kno but he's not a materialistic dude (like me) and sold them after meticulously recording them to CD. I'm actually a third of the way through copying the hundreds of these stone tablets, a typically lunatic undertaking made more insane by the fact that I'm submitting details about each disc to the CDDB org.

I'd been wanting to pick Steve's brains on the Cockney Ragga thing beyond Smiley Culture's Cockney Translation (in relation to the etymology of Gutter Garage) and I gleaned the following gems. Apparently there are some Mad Professor DJ tracks which are cockney tinged, Steve also remembered the I.Roy track Camp Road Skank (I mentioned this myself a while ago). He thought I ought to have a look at some of Prince Buster's early stuff and also pointed out that The Beat's in-house MC Ranking Roger also pressed some of his own 12"s which might be worth inspecting. Best of all we dug out from the cases of stuff round mine Alton Ellis's "Small Talk", which has a really funny cockney bridge, Alton going "I lav a cap o tea" in a funny Patois London mash-up. Alton I know lives in Brixton these days.

Wha!

A number of people have contacted me about Luke's 12". Are you lot kidding? Post an mp3 of it! Go and BUY the bloody thing.Though I've slightly more sympathy for the Australian contingency. It's possible he has one or two still kicking around. Try emailing him at: blungblung@hotmail.com.

Luke, who it's getting harder and harder to get hold of these days, is being chased left right and centre by what the boy's calling "smallfry". It's still very early days mate.

Gido in the Netherlands, who amazingly picked up Beatfarm off eBay (already!?) has told me I'm guilty of damning the tune with faint praise. That's not fair Gido, I'm practically the gezzer's unpaid PR officer!

Luka's Record.

He's begged me to keep a lid on it for the past few weeks while he slaved on the overdubs with Zeb, but with the arrival of a 12" shaped brown box containing it this morning, it looks like I can tell the world. Luke has made a record. "Beatfarm" credited to Luka.

I tell you I was as keen to check it as I expect you are. On first play it was suprising to actually hear the man's voice for a change. He's a gruff wee bastard! I suppose I was expecting a kind of indie-garage thing, you know a kind of John Cooper Clarke meets Roll Deep thing, an update on the pre-existing trope/tradition of beatniks recycling the piratical airwaves, a Rebuilt Kev/Squarepusher/Fridge/Mike Skinner styling on the ardkore tradition. A "de-thugging" if you like but you know Luke, its a fuck of a lot madder than that, maybe enjoying the same kind of relationship Tricky did with straight hip-hop. I know he's gonna be bloody mad with me for not reading it as HARDCORE pure and simple, but Luke you symbolist poetry espousing nutter, it just don't work like that.

"Blood on the tyres, blood in my eyes; blood in the drains, bloods my disguise". Street surrealism at it's most opaque, deliberate obfuscation but in no way a knowing dumbing-down. "Dali, Charlie, Mallarme the life O'Reilly- that's (my) tradition, my root (route?) shoot." Its peppered with shouts to Scoob and the boys "Down with the Stratford crew, I'm the poet without a cue." Bizarre shit.

If I'd have one reservation it's the beats. Zeb is no Wiley, he hasn't offered up the botch job DJ Ninj did for Derek Bailey on his jungle record, but things are a bit loose. Not nashty enough. I'd like to hear Luke on Icerink, something he could really get his rhymes biting. Like I say a minor criticism. Don't give up yet Zeb.

On the press-sheet Luka says they're will only be 500 whites. Snap em up and be a part of history.

Pulselessprogramming.

Pulseprogramming by Tulsa comes with such a hip cachet. All the right people have given it the thumbs up, it comes in a great sleeve (opening up into a house, which, slightly drunk on friday, I performed for my bemused young student colleagues), it's pre-packed with supa dupa reference points (United States of America, Young Marbe Giants, Bjork, Herbert, Shantel) it's got a svelte self-concious production etc etc etc.

But guess what! It's a complete load of shite. It's a damp squib. It's a coffee-table record for people without furniture. I quote:(Subtle) whine, (Subtle) whine, drip, plink plonk, (gentle) echo. Aaaaaaargh. Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh! AAAAAARRRGGGGHHH! (That was me screaming by the way).

The problem is, as I see it, to make what is post-World-of-Echo innerspace music you need to be much more fucked up than these people clearly aren't. You need a well of neurosis and preferrably LSD-induced brain damage, failing that post-MDMA trauma will do. Otherwise the music you make is as stimulating as looking into an empty bucket. Oh and you need talent.

Meme Unchained.

Paul Meme came round last night with my friend Marc Dauncey (who I downloaded a great Darkcore mix off at Audiogalaxy back in the day). We opened a bottle of Chianti and talked ragga on the veranda like civilised grown-ups.

After getting his coat, and thanking me for such a nice evening, Paul gave me a "Sheffield Shocker" kicking me so hard in the balls I lay splayed on the pavement winded as he and Marc, cackling like hyenas, climbed into Paul's vintage Ferrari.

Wots Entertainment?

Interesting to here Simon weigh in against entertainment. I harbour a nagging suspicion that, when the chips are down, even the most austere and demanding music is there to entertain. This has always been backed up in my mind by a view that the societies around the world which find life the most difficult tend to make music as entertainment.

I've always had the suspicion that perpretators of serious music, those making money from it, are just better con-men than the entertainers- those people who let you know "upfront" that you're being entertained. I always remember hearing Mad Mike of Underground Resistance say he chose his particular path because he could envision his career in music lasting longer. I often think the greatest level of pathos I find in music is in superficial, entertaining music which cracks ever so slightly on the surface enabling you to see what's really happening, what the real feelings are. For instance what was 'ardkore but the silliest form of entertainment imaginable?

The Ugly Truth.

Seems like everyone wants to be Luke's friend, well there's something all you people ought to know.

Last Wednesday I was giving a talk with slides for the Mystic FM fundraiser at Stringfellows. They couldn't afford Reynolds and Phil Sherburne was giving a white paper on UK Garage and Decentralisation in Mexico City the next day.

The so-called "Thin White Luke" showed up, probably high on crack, with Scoob and his mates in tow giving it all that. He proceeded to punch one of the strippers, knocking out both her front teeth. Now you can dress that up however you like, but as far as I'm concerned there is NEVER any excuse for that kind of behaviour.

Zimbabwean Score.

I picked this up for 6 quid the other day, I liked the cover and took a risk. Well done me. It's been produced at Harare's Shed Studios. That's a great progeny, Shed Studios must have produced loads of brilliant records not least of which being Mapfumo's Gwindingwi Rine Shumba the chimurenga classic. Both records have the same tell-tale look photo printed onto rough unbleached paper which gives them a sepia tint almost accidentally. I reckon it dates to 1983.

The record is totally amazing, Ephat on the left plays Mbira, Tabetha is on Hosho (shakers) and Thomas Gora on the right is on the mic. It's pitched somewhere between the traditional and the urban which the more you know about African music, the more you realise are completely artificial constructions. Just check out Tabetha's Hosho come in, that's electrifying, and Thomas sounds like he's singing in reverse! WOW!

Parallel Garage II

OH FUCK!....Luka wants to be Jesus.....here we go again.........

If UK Garage is indeed a parallel universe Hackney is Jerusalem, Bow is Assyria, Rhythm Division (on Roman Road) is the Ark of the Covenant, Deja Vu is the Dead Sea Scrolls, Rinse FM is the New Testament, Dizzy is Pontius Pilate, So Solid are the Roman Garrison, Nasty Crew are the Phillistines, David Blunkett is Judas Iscariot, Reynolds is Moses, I'm Lazarus, Phil Sherburne is doubting Thomas, and Luke, well Luke is Jesus innit.

Parallel Garage.

If UK Garage is indeed a parallel universe, Hackney is Westminster and Bow is Chelsea, Planet Phat is Harrods, Deja Vu is Radio 2, Rinse is Radio One, Dizzy is Tony Blair, Nasty Crew are the Conservatives, Luka is Victor Lewis-Smith and Reynolds is Aristotle.

The Shadow.

Been deep in conference with my long-standing non-virtual colleague the esteemed and notorious Bismillah Raxmani Rahim, "The Shadow", friend to the dispossed and proprietor of Blogistan your first stop for eastern-westercism. Bismillah, or Ed as he sometimes calls himself to ease the flow of conversation, is just off to bury himself in the desert. N'shallah Bismillah! Let us hope Dubya is not using his roaming ASCII parser on TWANBOC my good friend, or we shall be back to the old days of photocopied leaflets at Tottenham Court Road tube!

Ed was sucking on his hookah singing the praises of Bookshelf, Truth Hurts, Bollywood and Diwali, those likkle riddims with their off-kilter hindutastic beats. I even managed to stretch to a whole (Greensleeves) LP of Diwali the other day, and whole riddim LPs memsab, they're not my cup of chai. Surveying the turkish cafe we were in for seeds from the Bush, Bismillah (for so he was born), whispered the words "Harry Toddler on Clappas" in my ears then winked like the oily digger he is. I quickly paid for our Peppermint Tea and Hash Cakes and before you could say "zag ga zaga za" was propping up the counter downstairs at Daddy Kool in Berwick Street. Eventually picking up the 7" offender in, wait for it, the original beatnik emporium, Soul Jazz- only just managing not to lose my edge in the process. Cool tune Bismillah! Be gentle with those Camels you feelthy rogue!

Organized Konfusion.

......but seriously that Organized Konfusion LP: S.T.R.E.S.S. is brilliant sonically/musically too. Their second one is a bit ropey though. I got that because Kodwo Eshun recommended "Music like escaping Gas" in More Brilliant than the Sun. Where the hell did Kodwo disappear to?

Hip-Hop Mop-Up

Now all the votes are back in it’s time for the big Hip-Hop Mop-Up, and here’s where I get to be a patronising git and put you each on the spot (snicker):

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Cullum:
I might have mentioned the few examples of hip hop concept albums/hip-hoperas like Prince Paul: Prince Amongst Thieves or the Automator jobbies like Dr.Octagon.....

Interesting ideas big man. Maybe outside the timeframe.

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Job de Wit:
Submitting some other faves from this period: KRS-One (Return of the Boom Bap) and Digable Planets (Reachin').

Thanks Job. I’m surprised Cullum didn’t whop my ass over the KRS-One (The Sound of Da Police and all…) Still not sure it makes my own 6.

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Scott Neil:
I must take issue with you maintaining the Hova only does good singles, and has drek for long players. i am afraid i'm one of those cliched NME types that still insists there's worth within his debut, even if there's quite a bit of cheese there too.

Ok Scott, OK!

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Luke:
i'm obsessed with MCs, beats i don't care too much about, so to me souls of mischeif is top of the pile, (although if jeru is allowed in he;'s 200 times better then all of them, but to me hes from the wu-tand inaugerated era, new generation and all that) def. better, much better then del i think, in fact casuals album is better than dels, my mates got a newish secret del album no one knows about thats the only one i like but pep love is the best heiro cos hes a genius although obviously he doesn't fit into the mid period thing. organized konfusions first one did though and everyones going to cuss you for leaving that out! 10 years ahead of its tie... pharcyde may well fit in, not sure, but if that 93 not 94 that should be in, do you want more by the roots don't deserve to get left out, the AMAZING buhloone mind state by de la, their best album warrants inclusion and some more i'm going to tell you about after work hahahahah

Ah shaddap smartypants! I had the Casual LP and now its back at the M&V. I actually hunted down the Organized Confusion since Luke’s email. It is indeed a feast of lyrics (wink wink). Pharcyde I call daisy age on return, Luke disagrees he says it’s a west-coast reaction to G-Funk. Buhloone Mindstate (once again thought Cullum would cuss me over this) certainly should be in the nearly list.

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Toby:
Dr Dre: The Chronic. colombian fishscale - high end chang! the medellin equiv. to peruvian flake. Timbaland and Magoo album "welcome to our world" is all killer no filler - i swear. am i missing some fatal flaw.

The Chronic, great record, maybe too platinum for the downhome top 6. How come you know what Colombian Fishcale is bad bwoy!

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Pete Maplestone:
what about; Mecca & Soul Brother, Pete Rock/Cl Smooth, Times' up: K-Solo Put ya boots on - Double x posse, Cypress Hill First

Thanks Pete, I’ve never been a Pete Rock man, I like a bit of space in my hiphop.

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Doobie:
nice list, though...ruthless rap assassins & jungle brothers...personal highlights

OK Doobie. Maybe Jungle Brothers are Daisy Age, we’ve had this freeking conversation. The Ruthless Rap Assasins (Manchester’s finest) now that maybe valid.

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OK. Court adjourned!

Animate Dizzy!

Shakey Luke just challenged me to "an animated version of (Dizzy Rascal), small and surly and made from plasticine for his i luv u video, like morph if he came from bow and wore tracksuits... " He's a funny bastad that Luke. Dizzy's "edge of tears" delivery would sound totally hilarious issuing from a 3 inch high playdough replica.

But as any fule kno you do a cartoon of a star and it wrecks their career. Animation works by taking the essence and writing it large, while pop works through the tension between the real and the caricature. Pop stars must be both preposterously improbably cool AND normal people.

I would love to see a morph style animation of Goldie for the identical reason that it would instantly puncture all the (ok now sagging) myth he's built up around himself.

Relexification?

It's a term from Linguistics. That's the study of language Paul. Pidgins and Creoles, often exhibit it. A pidgin is a makeshift basic language designed with the intention of communicating at the simplest level. Extremely weirdly many pidgins/creoles across the world have incredibly similar structures and many words in common. Some people have put this down to their descent from Portugese Mariner's dialects others point to Noam Chomsky's idea of language being innate within us, hardwired into our brains asthe cause. Linguistics is gratifyingly kooky sometimes.

Studies have shown that when we learn a pidgin we use our existing lexical structure (sentences etc) and supplant within that structure the new vocabulary. That's what Relexification is. As far as I'm concerned this is a gold nuggett of information when it comes to talking about the Ardkore continuum. Reynolds has made the point in the past that Ardkore uses the existing structure of Reggae (The DJ, the Dancehall, the Dubplate) and fills it with, well whatever.

Ardkore (and Hip-Hop), often the spawn of the Jamaican diaspora, is a Relexification of Reggae. A pidgin with which to converse with the locals.