WOEBOT

Pretentious Garage Review.

Gosh it's been a terribly stimulating week for the online amateur garage enthusiast! We've seen the petty sniping of Guardian journalists desperate to shift units by hijacking the Blog nexus (Bo! Bo! Bo!) and the FWD boys bum-rushing K-Punk's Comments box at his invitation. Elsewhere with Heronbone pulling the plug on his Grime coverage, it seems like the only people left writing about Garage at it's only genuinely interesting axis in this "smooth place" are anything but hip. Let us examine the texts in hand:

Wiley: Treadin' On Thin Ice

I was really dreading the Wiley LP, firstly cos I thought I'd be depressed by it's over-enthusiastic reception in the mainstream, also cos I was sure it was going to be lacklustre. That's one of the problems with both promotional material and mp3s being leaked. I got sent a link to download the whole LP on March 29th which I actually ignored. This guy was reviewing it on March 5th. By the time something's in the shops, and it hit the high street before the underground stores, consensus is fractured and the people who are supposed to be enthusing over the release are weary as hell about it. Everyone is like "Yawn!"

As for it being lacklustre, I've made no bones about finding Wiley quite grating and pompous in the past. His self-engineered transformative redemption is an intense deal, admirable indeed, but imagine being stuck in a lift with him! OK Wiley, yeah you're great! Enough already! Was I alone in thinking "Ground Zero", which twinned his feelings at breaking up with his girlfriend with Al-Quaida's attack on the Trade Centre was insufferably self-obsessed? Offensive even? Then the "Wot Do You Call It?" single which Marcello justly skewered was twattish.

Volte face! The LP is really sweet. I thought he was going to be over-bearing, even more so at the major label level (Thinks: "Now I made it I'm gonna show the Haters!") Wiley comes over, not as a towering colossus, but all gremlin. There's so much humour here. The lines in "Special Girl" which (as Simon Silver Dollar has already noted) degenerate hilariously. Wiley pledges to find a girl who will understand him, stand by him, who will answer him back and er, give him sex on tap whenever he feels like it. (winks) Are you sure you're ready for a serious relationship mate! The super gormless intro to "Pies": "Hey blud there were five pies on this table.....and when I come back all the pies have gone?" set against a Hans Christan Andersen Fox-in-the-forest style riddim is a bit of a chortle. "Goin' Mad", sports another comedy intro "Oi Mate do you fink I'm a waffler mate? Well yeah you do go on a bit mate!", likkle squeaky crank bugs in the riddim. There is something subtly menacing about this goofing around, as if were you in the room, you couldn't guarantee it wasn't a joke at your expense.

He's evolved as a producer too; Ground Zero (which, when he versions it here as "Doorway" makes the track) is the sonic pointer. "Treading on thin Ice" is as exquisite, so eeiry and understated. The clunky chinois thud that characterised alot of his riddims after "Eskimo" like "Ice Rink", "Rat Race" and "Blue Rizzla" is slightly on the back burner, probably as a result of plods like Skepta offering up carbon copies. It was also cool to find, for a slavish dub-plate junkie, that cuts like "Pick U R Self Up" featured entirely different mixes to the one on the twelve inch which came out on the Target label last year. But, as someone else (somewhere) has already commented, it's a shame "Bastard" didn't make an appearance. That's a funny track too. I wasn't just pleasantly surprised, I was well chuffed about the strength of the LP. Thumbs up!

Funny to relate that Wiley's been poking round a mate of ours' recording studio, getting quite excited. Frank has real drums. Could spell trouble in the frozen wastes ;-)

Demon feat Kano: "Gansta Toyz"

A take on the Frontline Rmx riddim. Demon of East Co and Kano of Nasty say "Gangsta" alot. Another choon on the excellent Aftershock label. Went out for a beer with supercool Marcus from Rephlex this week (I think he was surprised how "normal" I was! Just remember people, all those musicians are chained to their PCs too! Wiley on the Lord of The Decks DVD showing off his Quicksilver Macintosh with Chrome CD Bay!) As I was saying on Mark's thread, I've nothing against the Rephlex "Grime" comp, it's beautifully put together, just that it could have done with some MC-ing (slightly more realistic liner notes might have helped too...)

It's as simple as this these days, I go down the shop and say: "Have you got any new MC stuff?" Imagine buying Ragga Riddims?!? You'd have to be insane! All these dubplates in Garage, they're being released on white labels with the explicit purpose of being bought by DJs to play for their MCs on air. Garage riddims on their own just aren't the thing any more! Even Ruff Squad's riddim's are for MCs! I say this over and over again and no-one plays the blind bit of notice.

It's not as if the FWD scene can't make great riddims (again repeating myself) just check "Popadomz" or "War Wid" or (earlier Menta's "Ramp"), just that their tracks need a good MC. The well informed geezer like Artifact says that Plasticman is using D Double, Wiley and Riko on his solo album (clapping purposefully) well done mate (taps own head) yeah YOU WORKED IT OUT! Virus Syndicate, who are a Mancunian Grime crew attached to Mark One/Slaughter Mob/Plasticman are also apparently well good. In fact someone was saying somewhere on that Old Skoolish comments thread of mine that they're 'pushing the envelope.' Yeah, let's hear some of that!

I was telling Marcus they should just license the After Shock back catalogue and put it out. In his favour he says they're keen to release striktly new stuff. No A&R job yet! Apologies to Rephlex for not swallowing the party line....

Donaeo: "Don't Watch Me Now"

Class Fidget action. The best thing here isn't Donaeo's latest remake of "Bounce" but "Don't Watch Me Now" billed as a bonus track but inadvertantly the hit. "Don't Watch Me Now, Don't Watch Geezer, Just Stay Out of my Business" goes the chorus, it's a bit of low-key mucking around that's presumably not bo(o)mbastic enough for the spotlight. Donaeo ducking and diving, doin' the Arthur Daley shuffle. Absolutely charming, as Brian Sewell might say.

DJ Mexx and Durrty Doogz: Look and Turn
More Fire Crew: Torch Riddim

Both twelves look exactly the same, so this charming image featuring a stack of child's coloured bricks will have to suffice for both of them. Doogzy is on fire! He's a funny cat isn't he, I swear if he sounded any more camp he'd be doing Frankie Howerd impressions. Dude sounds like someone is pinching his arse and he's recoiling in shock: "It's real!" Damn funny. Genius innit! More Fire have been slewing dem all year and stand correct with this "Torch", highlight of which is the mnemonic Public Enemy spinning wheel micro-riff which functions as the chorus, the riddim here is pure dancehall bizniss. There's 3 other MCs on this but the label is giving nothing away. Promos are circulating for the More Fire LP, so watch that space.

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So far this year is looking better than last. Remember that Grime Scene comp I put together last December? Well I reckon I could do one by the end of June this year...

Posted by Woebot at May 2, 2004 10:38 PM