April 29, 2004
Vinyl Amnesty.
My most excellent brother stumbled across this remark yesterday in the Detroit piece and proceeded to have a bit of fun with me, enquiring as to whether I knew where his Vice 12" had gone. I got in quite a sweat and confessed to it's theft and that, yes, I had also stolen another of his records, the 4Hero 4Track12 pictured above. This was no mean feat of honesty on my part, I'd hidden this record from him while we lived together and have subsequently steered the conversation away from all matters pertaining to Dego and Mark. Recently I've contemplated buying a copy myself and returning the goods, like a real man, but it keeps on getting pricier and pricier to replace. Last week I saw a copy in Reckless in Camden for twenty five quid! "Ghosts" is tune on this one.
Before I start congratulating myself I ought to say that stealing records is twattish. It's even worse than downloading mp3s! Toby has donated them to the "Woebot Museum" and reflected: "When it comes to records you are not the master of your own actions. The devil is. I understand this and pity you ;) " He's got a lovely turn of phrase my brother, and in this instance he's quite correct, and in honour of his outstanding generosity I'd like to spill my guts on all the records which have, by the process of osmosis, found their way into my collection.
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Early Thefts 1987-89
The Sex Pistols: Never Mind The Bollocks.
I stole my copy of this from one Edmund Nourse. He was a good friend of mine in the year above me. My deception was canny. I had a copy of "Flogging a Dead Horse", another Pistols record, and switched this leaving him with the original sleeve and an inferior recording. In 1995 I sold this record, and the Music and Video Exchange quailed at my botched swap, giving me a mere pittance for my trouble.
Dexys Midnight Runners: Searching For The Young Soul Rebels.
The Woodentops: Giant.
Both stolen from my best mate Freddy Elliot, and both returned years later, by which time I think he'd lost interest in them. I subsequently bought "Giant" again.
Neil Young and Crazy Horse: Everyone knows this is Nowhere
A record I still cherish, stolen from a boy in the year below me called James Bailey. It looked like it might even have been his Dad's copy.
Lenny Bruce: American.
Lenny Bruce: Ku Klux Klan.
I was mad about Lenny Bruce for years, read up all about him, still have lots of books on him and even gave a lecture to my school on him (preaching for years believe!) However I was unable to find any recordings of him in action (now I've got that Carnegie Hall gig tucked away somewhere on cassette too). Of all my thefts this one I am most ashamed of. Genuinely ashamed cos these two lovely records came from the collection of my friend's grandfather, a lovely man called Bob Dyk. Bob died some years ago at which point it became unfeasible, even offensive to return them. I made some kind of cosmic gesture by giving his youngest grandson my original edition of Lester Bang's "Psychotic Reactions and Carburettor Dung", my bible for a long time. I miss that book, but it's gift in no way makes ammends.
The Waterboys: This is the Sea.
I think I nicked this off a contemporary at school called James Herbert. Though it might have been Alex Balfour's copy. Sold it in 1993. 3 Hail Marys.
Mid-Period Thievery 1990-1994
John Cage and Harry Partch Joint LP.
The Roots of The Blues.
Karlheinz Stockhausen: Gesang Der Junglinge.
Karlheinz Stockhausen: Telemusik.
All stolen from my University Library. Once again a canny bit of theivery. I had coveted these records for the longest time, and plotted their relief intensely. I took some of my shittiest twelve inches into the library, substituted the vinyl (as I had done with The Sex Pistols record) and made a speedy getaway, perspiring furiously. Wonderful recordings all, I have regularily lamented their lack of sleeves, and may one day make good my crime and return them (by which point it'll be wall to wall CDs there).
A Purple Patch. Thefts 1994-1996
Vice: Constant Ritual.
4Hero: The Head Hunter.
Reese: Bassline.
All of which were stolen off my brother, the last of which (on green vinyl, drool) I only recalled I'd nicked when I scoured my collection last night (oops!). Of course he's welcome to them all back, but, simper, I'd really like to keep them. Slightly off the point but Toby doesn't do TOO badly off me. In recent years I have given him doubles of the following: A Guy Called Gerald's "Magical Musical Midi Machine", Trinity's "Chapter 2", Lady Stush's "Dollar Sign" and Marvellous Caine's "Hitman". He also gets heavy data bundles, so I do generally treat him with respect (and so I should).
Lost Entity: Bring that back.
International Smoke Signal: Warriors Dance 12".
Adore these. Shamefully nicked off my buddy Rafs. You can have them back feller.
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Lest you be thinking that I'm a man of few morals I should like to point out that I have desisted in this ghastly activity (since 1996), have never stolen from a shop (too cowardly, only close friends, family and worthy institutions!) and when I was entrusted with a box or so of Keith and Watty of Pure's records on my trip to Senegal in 1993, they ALL came back. Don't worry Keith. In classic hypocritical fashion I never lend out my records and lose sleep over my collections theft.
Should anyone discover through reading this (such is the power of Google) that I have (coughs) done them an injustice, I will gladly make ammends and then some. Sorry.
Posted by Woebot at April 29, 2004 04:18 PMHave you ever stolen a record?
Posted by: Matt Woebot at April 29, 2004 07:23 PMonly from large chain stores, tho I must confess it was tapes rather than vinyl cos it's easier to get them into the pocket of your big trenchcoat.
I'm technically banned from ever going into a particular branch of one chain again, but it was a long time ago now and nobody seems to have noticed. ;-)
Top buzz, shoplifting, it has to be said.
Posted by: another blogger at April 29, 2004 07:33 PMi second the comments about a top buzz, but not a record no. i have dropped plenty of CDs into chain stores shelves admittedly.
wonderful piece Matt, honesty shines through, i think giving the grandson the Bangs is pretty helpful.
Posted by: scott at April 29, 2004 07:56 PM72 or 73 - the ONLY good record store in sydney situated in the area surrounding the subteranean town hall station. got it into my head i really needed the newly released genesis double lp 'lamb lies down on broadway' (ridiculous i know) and so dithered away for 20 mins and then made my break with it out the doors and into the station. i was immediately followed noisily by the proprietor who gave up quickly as he was the only person in the shop. never went back there, regretted it ever since, didn't like the damn thing much and haven't stolen a thing since then.
Posted by: philT at April 29, 2004 09:59 PMps - it was obviously in '74, not earlier
Posted by: philT at April 29, 2004 10:01 PMfunnily enough i'm just in the middle of doing just that...shhhh. its a copy of the wolfe tones "Rifles of the IRA" on boot records.
Posted by: gaz at April 29, 2004 10:48 PMha ha ha! that was the best laugh i've had all week. i always kid myself that i have never stolen anything in my life but yr confession has made me realise that i have pilfered quite a few records over the years. my poor sister's collection was ravaged by me as a teenager and every so often she will ask me if i know whatever happened to her copy of 'closer'. if i admit to it, i'll also have to fess up to the other 50 odd records she hasn't noticed yet so i am STILL denying any knowledge of it. i don't feel too guilty though as she now thinks norah jones is where it's at.
i have also been guilty of ye olde borrowing a record and 'forgetting' to return it routine on several occassions but not for many a year. shit, i'm going to hell, aren't i?
Posted by: stirmonster at April 30, 2004 01:55 AMoh lord. too many to count, probably.
the only ones i ever ripped off from a store were the first cypress hill and the first nirvana when i was probably about 13 or so. (so i was 1 for 2 in the taste department.) i got so paranoid i ended up giving them to a friend lest i be "found out". what a little pussy!
(about six months later, around xmas, i ripped off about $100 worth of books - what a nerd, etc. - and was found out and got my ass whupped by my dad and have never stolen a thing from an establishment ever since.)
(unless grapes and various bits and bobs of foodstuff from the grocers counts as i was shopping.)
(oh a chocolate milk, once. but i was dying of thirst, honest.)
as for the um "inheriting" of records from friends/family/exes...well my sister is missing quite a few records too from when we were both teenagers but i doubt she cares at this point. when i moved out from living with one girl in nyc i came away with her copies of history of our world pt. 1 and emperor tomato ketchup, but she got my "u.s. pac-man team" t-shirt and my dignity, so i figure we're about even.
Posted by: jess at April 30, 2004 02:20 AMHMV banned me from their stores for life. Nabbing vinyl got so easy i got well cocky and just picked up a twelve and walked out. i did this right in front of a security camera as well. these bumpkins then met me outside (they came out a side entrance) and took me down a corridor in the building. they didn't report me to the police cos it was "clearly the first time" i'd ever tried and "look mate, you're just no good at it, i wouldn't keep it up", dashing my hopes of being a professional shoplifter chiz chiz. this while i was thinking about the roughly £200-worth of stuff i'd taken in the space of a month. shoplifting is a buzz, and this being a few years back (xmas 2001, glory days, eh?) i was under the impression that i was scoring for the independent record shops of norwich - more and more were closing down while HMV piled on the discounts and offers on the trance/d&b sections. of course, i didn't then go and buy the records from soundclash etc did i? d'oh!
in my defence at the court of liberal inquiry, i'd plead that i got a few birthday/xmas presents out of it, not bad for a scruffy-as-fuck undergraduate.
the best CD i got was probably universal consciousness by alice coltrane. i forget the wax.
there is absolutely no way i would ever ever steal a record from a friend, especially any friend who's reading this. :)
i really should mention that the upside of the whole affair was that i am now legally prevented from shopping in HMV. thank you and goodnight.
Posted by: sleeves at April 30, 2004 03:34 AMthis is all fantastic.
thinking about the borrowing/osmosis syndrome and i've coined a new term:
"gravity"
Posted by: Matt Woebot at April 30, 2004 09:14 AMI seem to only do this with awful records - Blur's "The Great Escape" springs to mind, I pay the penalty for my 'long-term' borrowing by having it shamefully sitting in my collection with people thinking I bought it.
I still have Wood Green Library's copy of "In Pursuit Of Shashamane Land" by African Head Charge too.
Posted by: Tom at April 30, 2004 01:19 PMAlso a guy at school once threatened me with a beating for 'stealing' his copy of Primal Scream's "Sonic Flower Groove" (I hadnt. Honest!). That would have been the most unjust outcome ever but he was an even punier indie kid than me so we resolved our differences passive-agressively as per.
Posted by: Tom at April 30, 2004 01:22 PMed inglistan got nicked for nicking the betty boo cd from tower...with the self justification that he couldn't face buying it...dear oh dear oh dear
Posted by: rewch at April 30, 2004 04:13 PMThe Reese record (Baseline) is not only green but the B -side plays from the centre of the disc out (label to edge, if you will)
Posted by: Brother at April 30, 2004 07:47 PMThe fellow whom I sublet my apartment from left a box of his friend's mosty 80s records at the apartment. I've helped myself to quite a few thus far, including "I Speak A Strange Language" (1986, pop-disco-ish), Naked Eyes lp, lots of Smiths/New Order, Human League's first single. Nothing terribly rare, but nice to nick.
Posted by: dominic at April 30, 2004 08:36 PMi should add, by way of self-justification, that my landlord left the apartment in terrible condition and has f'd me over on several financial matters. therefore, i resort to extra-legal self-helf remedy of pilfering left behind records . . . .
Posted by: dominic at April 30, 2004 11:31 PMOther goodies include Belle Stars, Talk Talk's "Colour of Spring," Bryan Ferry's "Boys and Girls," Smiths' "Hatful of Hollow," Love and Rockets' "Express." I pretty much raided this collection for anything with the slightest appeal to my ears.
Posted by: at May 1, 2004 12:07 AMThe worst part of this story is the fact that you sold the records on!
Sure I have been guilty of record theft, even from the shops a couple of times, but I never sold them on later.
Strange system of beliefs I have, but there you go.
Posted by: hector at May 1, 2004 03:27 AM>The worst part of this story is the fact that you sold the records on!
(hangs head in shame) I am at your mercy.
Posted by: Matt Woebot at May 1, 2004 07:55 AMWell, I helped myself to a few cds (Wild Planet - Transmitter, Novamute Kompilation, Transmat Time &Space compilation) and a couple 12" (two electro records from Satamile) from a certain college radio station...but I don't think it matters since they were all kinda old and noone played them anyway.
Never stole/taken/lent-forgot-to-return anything from anywhere else.
Well there was that one time my cousin brought back a tape from another cousin in NY with some hot trance anthems of the time (1997). I borrowed it and listened non-stop for a few weeks. Then brought it over to a friend's house and let another friend borrow it for a day. Hadn't seen it since. We tried to retrieve it but it was for nought.
Posted by: DigitalDjigit at May 2, 2004 04:52 AMthe "I don't think it matters since they were all kinda old and noone played them anyway" is the classic angle innit....
best behind the scenes confession came from one of the "big bloggers":
"i've half-inched a few in my time but only from people i know wouldn't ever miss them and where the records were being neglected and abused, stored flat etc."
stored flat! that creased me up :-D
Posted by: Matt Woebot at May 4, 2004 08:47 AMi was never convicted yer honor, honest my only regret= the choice of cassette - i was only a yoof, guvnor
Posted by: ed at May 4, 2004 04:38 PMI have to say I'm appalled that no one's called you out on the library theft! Being poor and interested in all kinds of music, i would have been the kind to be completely bummed had I gone to check out some stockhausen in your u. library...and found crappy 12"s in their place(s).
I think stealing from a publicly-used music library (whether a lending library, an archive or a radio station library) is without defense. If the library in question still lends LPs, I'd send them back.
I'm just surprised no one else gives a shit about this...obviously everyone flirts with stealing--it's just what to do about it when one truly grows up that's difficult.
optimistically, -robin
to Robin
In spite of the fact that your rather preachy tone inclines me to want to dismiss you, (Jeez lighten up fella! I was young and reckless!) I meant what I said about returning them and am undertaking to sort it.