WOEBOT

New Years Resolutions.

1. No to Profesional Envy.

I've never read music journalism in the broadsheets. Like, er, why bother? Surely it's just third-hand insights, the party line by proxy? So why pick on the poor shmucks who practice it?

I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice to earn a regular crust from writing (as those people do); but then again it might NOT be nice. It might ruin a decent lark in the pursuit of a few pennies. Besides, writing on music in the regular press would fail to enable me to do a number of things I'm wont to do. There's no talking about music unless it revolves around the #new# or recently reissued. The kind of music one's expected to cover is largely dull, dictated by what you'd expect to find stocked on the high street (though kudos Reynolds and to warriors like David Stelfox and his broadsheet ragga ting) There's no space for personal digression (surely that's what made someone like Lester Bangs's writing so compulsive, the thrilling autobiographical subjectivity of it). There's no room to just pin-up a record sleeve and invite folk to drool. Certainly there's no room for Flash, QuickTime Movies or downloadable mp3s. Doesn't leave much left that is enticing to my mind...

Also (try as I might) I haven't managed to acquire an inferiority complex about *BLOGGING*. As if somehow it's a disgrace to NOT be in print and an amateur to boot. This is a conviction that has grown, rather than lessened during the past year. Curiously enough, going hand-in-hand with it, a respect for journals like The Wire. I used to be openly jealous of it's regular contributors and rather down on it's direction. Now I think it's great that they're there, doing their own thing and surviving.

All that remains of Newspaper Music Journalism as a stand-alone ambition (I'm highlighting it in, ahem, my New Year's Speech, cos it's clearly SUCH a bugbear for many of my colleagues) is the will to be a self-appointed pompous turd (replete with toadlike personality shot) with a sideline in TV "Rent-a-quote." There's nothing particularly wrong with that, it's just a bit lifeless.* You see folks, THIS is where's it. THIS (throws back head dramatically, arms outstretched) is the frontline of style and insight.

*Though AOL/Warner I'd sure LOVE a slice of your pie ;-D Bearing in mind I'd need at least two lawyers, one for copyright, the other for slander.

2. Yes to New Words.

In 2004 I'd like to use new words like "malodorous" and "obloquy." I will be examining Heronbone and the Oxford English Dictionary for fresh text to plunder.

3. No to Bumfights.

No to locking-horns with other homeless drunks. Readers may have noticed a mellower approach in my dealing with the "charming" offhand insults of my peers recently. I aim to continue this less heavy-handed tactic in 2004, and with any luck I won't be picked on by any old dudes.

4. Yes to Repeating Myself.

In 2004 I'm aiming to repeat exactly what I said in 2003. Expect to hear the same anecdotes dressed up, the same pop trivia regurgitated and the same Reynolds-derived musical angle duplicated. I've come to the conclusion that (coughs) an artist can't be expected to "do other peoples styles," and so look forward to an identical image of last year's hamfisted guff.

You can't say fairer than that.

Posted by Woebot at December 29, 2003 05:33 PM