WOEBOT

Nonsensical 10.

1. First bit of nonsense:

Paul, who it seems has completely given up blogging (Well dahling it's so 2003!) sent me this requesting I post it. Presumably Eden, who also seems to be somewhat switched off, told him to fak off, that he wouldn't put it up at Uncarved. This isn't NYPLM you nutter Paul. It's Me Me Me striktly. As I'm being asked to edit it I thought I'd take a few liberties with the material:

Engelbert Humperdink at Bed, Sheffield on Friday

So Engelbert Humperdink is doing his thing with Justin (BIG pals, sit around together listening to old Greenslade albums) and the show comes to Sheffield and WE, the beautiful people of South Yorkshire, get a one-off club date? Why are we so favoured? Cos Engelbert Humperdink's album -- widely revered as the sound of Bow -- was ACTUALLY recorded here, in Sheffield. Round the corner from me in a studio in Nether edge, as it happens. Well, that's the story that's going round, and I've heard it from three different people, so maybe it's true? Anyway, Bed is Gatecrasher's venue, which means little other than that there are huge bass speakers under the floor, which make yer knees wobble. It was an "urban" night, seemed to be full of regulars, no aggro, and lots of poeple were noticeably dressed up to the nines. Sheffield women are gorgeous. This month's hot fashion tip -- trilby hats at a jaunty angle right over the face. Modtastic. The music was all hip hop and r&b with a few bits of UKG, and most tracks somehow sounded like jungle over that system. But by far the biggest sound of the night was dancehall. Whenever the energy dropped the DJs would play some and the crowd would go wild -- I was really surprised by just how far dancehall has taken over the hip-hop / r'n'b axis. As you'd expect there was lots of scratching and cutting, and records generally didn't get played to the end -- good stuff. There was also absolutely no compunction on the part of the DJs about playing big hits, so Sean Paul got a good airing. This did get on my tits a bit when I was waiting for Engelbert Humperdink to come on -- the last DJ before him was playing solid ToTP fodder which I could have done without. I got a bit bored.

Then Engelbert Humperdink came swaggering through the crowd with his fairly modest and polite entourage, wearing an outfit like Elephant Man -- oversized jacket covered with huge badges. Semtex took the decks and Wiley (I think) started hyping the crowd, a real show man, bigging up the ladies, talking about the 8 hour drive to come up, giving people the mic so he could hear some sexy Sheffield accents... Then Semtex dropped I Luv U and Engelbert Humperdink bounded on stage and the place just erupted. There were a *lot* of people who were seriously into him, crews from Manchester and Leeds, and the first 20 rows or so were jumping. Engelbert Humperdink did a pure MC set just like he does at Eski dance or whereever, rapping over his own stuff and other records, doing prepared raps as well as Freestyle, bounding across the stage, dancing, jumping on the speakers... Semtex couldn't always keep up, with Engelbert Humperdink occasionally telling him to move on with the next track, always two steps ahead of where the crowd wanted to be, and displaying impressive empathy. Wiley and (I think) some feller from Roll Deep were up there too adding their flow to his so you got the whole rap tag team thing.

There'd been a few rappers on during the night and they were OK but Engelbert Humperdink really is something else. His flow is intensely syncopated, very much like the skipping, hiccuping beats of UKG, and the lyrical ideas just fly out of him like a shower of sparks. There's always piercing diction yet his accent means he sounds like he's gargling with golf balls all the time. He's totally hyped and confident but there's not a trace of the turgid gangster braggadoccio that blunts the attack of so many rappers, instead there's a constant volley of ideas and images - he's got so damn much to say he doesn't have /time/ to collapse into cliches. His beats, naturally, make SO much more sense and have SO much more groove heard live too. That stuttering, plinkety-plonk doodling transforms itself into something like jungle's hyperkinetic breaks, but in bullet time, slowed to a stop yet endlessly oscillating. In other words, what sounds a bit ropey on record is funky as fuck live.

I was too knackered to stay til the end, but the standout of what I heard was Jus a Rascal, which was a blitzkrieg-like, its overwhelming, massed-voices monstrosity had everyone screaming. Quite fantastic. Though his freestyle over the Diwali rhythm was also excellent. I left when Semtex tried to get him to rap over PIMP -- I don't think Engelbert Humperdink was much into it, and three times in one night for that track was too much for me, so I wandered off.

2. Second bit of nonsense:

That Kylie Minogue track "Slow." The only bad thing about it is, er, Kylie. I thought maybe some other people could version the same riddim. Firstly I had the idea that a few older women might want to have a crack. Grace Jones or Diamanda Galas maybe. But then thought, nah, too many vocal histrionics, like that daft Bjork bird. Then I thought, Alison Statton (of The Young Marble Giants/Weekend) would be good. She nearly can't sing! Then I thought what about someone who really can't sing. What about Scott Somedisco? Top idea eh!

3. Third bit of nonsense:

My favorite piece of music this year (hands down winner) has been "Let's go fly a Kite." From The Mary Poppins Soundtrack. I have heard this more times than any piece of music EVER. I'm being entirely serious. You have a baby and you'll see. They want the same thing over and over again. Every time I hear it (we all dance to it in a circle in the living-room holding hands) shivers wrack my body. It's just sheer loveliness.

4. Fourth bit of nonsense:

Heard Wiley (was it or was it the BPM crew?) on Delight 103.3 FM spinning back-to-back dubplates. The excitement was almost unbearable. The following were incredible:

D Double E on a cut-up of Dead Prez's Hip-Hop. Lunacy. The original was caned at Eskimo dance actually, which slightly surprised me as Dead Prez (if I'm not mistaken) have a slightly boho rep. They never come across as _that_ street. I adore it regardless, nuff bass innit. Bought it at the time (natch) and slightly disappointed to see them fail to deliver on it.

A re-version of "Know We", called "Know Mix" the riddim sporting what sounds like a loop of Bulgarian Gypsy Violin.

A re-mix of Doogz's "Hold Me Down"

Another new Doogz tune.

5. Fifth bit of nonsense:

Word on the grapevine is that there exists a Calypso version of Gary Numan's "Cars" made in the mid-eighties. Someone find it, reissue it and put a stop that Senor Coconut rubbish. At once!

6. Sixth bit of nonsense:

Heard Sue Lawley on Desert Island Discs interviewing Emmylou Harris (sweet selection: Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Neil Young, Springsteen, er, Daniel Lanois). Sue Lawley, who used to live beneath my dear brother, made *SUCH* an arse of herself everytime she said: "Graham, or Gram, Parsons..." It was received pronunciation purgatory.

7. Seventh bit of nonsense:

Just been round at my friend Steve's house. He showed me this photo which he took in Togo*.

It's a group of people gathering around a secret drum. This drum was taken in war from the neighboring Ashanti tribe 150 years ago. You have to have special status to see it, that's why it's being hidden. As recently as ten years ago, someone who looked at this drum, who wasn't supposed to have, was beaten to death.

*Scan courtesy Blogistan

8. Eighth bit of nonsense:

Except in truth there's nothing nonsensical 'bout this. Stuart Argabright has a blog.

9. Ninth bit of nonsense.

Go see Jess's great end of end of year wrap-up.

10. Tenth bit of nonsense:

Juicy, juicy mix being posted tomorrow which'll be the last worthwhile post of this year. 'Appy Xmas all crew.

Posted by Woebot at December 22, 2003 10:38 PM