WOEBOT

Stadium Rap.

Just got a stereo in my car. Everytime I get a stereo it gets teefed. I've had four stolen. Omar my friend and neighbour, who has a choice crack habit that cost him his marriage, smokes fags by his window at night. There's a big pile of ends there in the morning. Omar warns off kids from the motor. He IS my mate Omar. I don't think it bothers him that Sandra moved out. Sandra's last kid looked suspiciously unlike Omar. When I listen to the radio I tend to skip relentlessly from one station to the next. Most be pants.

I'm feeling the stadium rap at the moment. Three tracks have blown me away. Spizzazzz. Well lets face it E-crunk probably got a pillow call from Ludacris telling him bout these releases sometime mid-June. That's not to say these are Spizzazzz endorsed tracks, I haven't been taking notes recently (ha ha). These tunes probably be so old Mr Marcello "Heart FM" Carlin is down wid dem too. Me and Marcello at the labour club, Marcello says to me "What's that smell old fellow?", "Oh crikey I'm terribly sorry Carlin my bladder has just given way again." Carlin gets the Bacardi in. Barman tells him they don't serve Albanian refugees. Carlin beating chest, "Don't you fucking know who I am young man" peeling a vaste pile of paper tied together with twine from his leather satchel pounding the counter with it. Rod Stewart on the jukebox. I start singing "Oh nestle me into your bosom."

Fatman Scoop's "Be Faithful". Love this tune. Love its incredible video. That's what I call animation! Love the way his eyes appear dead. And a very apposite render of the sonic too, track dominated by that disembodied voice. Shouty voice be 2 miles from twangy backdrop; Fatman built of a head, sneakers and hands. Kids like it. Grannys like it (probably not my Granny). I was so surprised when I found it was number one! I saw Fatman Scoop on Top of the Pops and he was priceless. Near the end of the performance peeling off his shirt. Jesus he really IS fat! He couldn't give a toss. I don't care if everyone hates I think it's brilliant. This and the Fast Food Rockers (I know all the moves, get me drunk!)

Ludacris's "Stand Up" is by far and away the best thing he's done since "Southern Hospitality." There's a similarity between the flow of them both. Darn this rolls. I was amazed at how much of this stuff gets played on Radio One. Never really listened to it before. Heard Scott Mills' show. He's a pretty good selecta. Quite a buttoned-down subdued presence, very English (we like) makes a welcome contrast to the tiresome Chris Moyles. What is the attraction of this man? He's a witless slug. I heard a brace of nice tracks on Mills' show. At last got to hear Missy's (frankly shite) "Pass the Dutchie" and the rubbish Outkast tune. Outkast, in my humble opinion are useless. "Elevators" was brilliant, forget the rest.

Also digging Obie Trice's "Got some teeth" brilliant spongey zinging production. Pity poor Eminem and Dre though. Here's another great single which will soon spawn a stillborn career. 50 cent is a lifeless turd isn't he? They capitalised on his Frankenstineity on "In Da Club" though now it's clearly a problem, such a berk in the PIMP video. I saw Obie on MTV's TRL, and (though I love this) he had the charisma of an unemployable freelance animator.

Posted by Woebot at November 1, 2003 09:22 PM